What Constitutes Happiness?

So much has happened in the two years since my last entry.  The main thing is that my focus on love, having a relationship has changed.  My idea and perspective on what is happiness gives me a new outlook on what I think everyone should want for themselves.  How to grow in faith with God, relationships with family, and most of all the inner love for yourself.  How to find yourself amidst the darkness; the light will finally peek in.

Which leads to my following blog post, the perception I had of myself being "a mentally ill patient", what having a real, meaningful work ethic is when you are able to find some projects to work on even though I have limitations, and knowing I am special no matter what anyone thinks; I am a good person.

My life is good. 
I am alive.
I reflect over my life differently, in a new way.  I have meaningful work as a virtual volunteer, and the Lord provides a way for me to take care of myself because I know how easily I get upset.  I am a loner.  I have always have been.  I have to accept myself the way I am.  I am Alexis Kenyatta Ellis, and I am God's Child.  I am not a mentally ill person, but a person.  I am not a student, but a woman; who has to figure out how to be happy for herself. 

What constitutes happiness?  What makes happiness?  Well, from my experience another person cannot make you happy, it is the things you do when you are alone that make you smile, and leave you satisfied.  Happiness is when you do not have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend around, and you can be able to believe in love because your first love begins with you.  I have started to stop wallowing in self-pity, and finding the strength to live and trust my own judgment.  Trusting yourself is a big part in finding happiness with who you are because that's what you need to make the decision in the first place.  Love is so complex when you want to revel in each day. Learn to develop your passions.  I thought my passion for writing was gone until I got up, and took the pen and notebook up in my hand.

I believe that whatever you pursue in life needs to be something that you love.  I love writing, and I used to be a prolific writer.  I wrote everyday, read everyday because these things gave me joy.  I did it for myself, and I did it for my own well-being because I found truth in words, language, and poetry.

When writing love has always been my favorite muse because it is the most difficult emotion and action to understand.  But, in this hectic life we sometimes lose sight the things we love once we become depressed and ill like I turned out to be. 

True love is love with God, yourself, and your family.  If you do not have family, you still have a relationship with Christ, and you can find love in those you look up to.  I think that most of all Jesus' love teaches us how to gain peace in our chaotic soul. 

This message is my testimony of living an unhappy life for so long, and how I decided to go back to the things I cherished; that is my love for God, family, poetry, writing, and most of all me.

(C) 2012 Alexis Kenyatta Ellis  No part of this electronic blog, article, media, may be copied, distributed or uploaded without written permission from the author.