Why Do I Want To Work?

The only work experience I have outside of the home is working for Central Mississippi Incorporated in 2000 at a summer job where I did clerical work, Holmes County Justice Court in 2000 where I filed old traffic tickets, and in 2001 working for LifeHelp under Rose giving out flyers to people who had been in a disaster. I got travel expense pay, and I made $8.00 an hour in both jobs in 2000 and 2001 because they were basically summer grants the people I worked for got from the government, and they were hiring people, so I got on. They were summer programs. The other job experience presently is working for Associated Content writing articles. I have only made pennies for my writing. But do I want to work only for money or the experience?


I must admit Associated Content does give me online experience; and publishing experience on the web, but is that enough. I mean there are writers on the site who win awards, who publish five and six articles a day; who make a living at writing successful SEO based words that savor the page with great expertise, but I am not an SEO writer. I am a creative writer; I write sheaths of love poetry imagining myself in a castle in England, with my lover, under a willow tree with milk, honey, and rose petals.

How do I find what I want to do with my life? Why do I want to work? Well, I guess because I have not worked or really associated with other people since I graduated from Holmes in 2002, and even then after class I rushed home exhausted with anxiety because I felt the nervousness of socializing. I am not a big social person. I like to acquaint myself with people, but if I am not comfortable around you, or I feel you are saying things that upset me; I will not talk to you. I will just smile mildly, and talk about you in my mind; on pins and needles ready to go from your presence. I mostly do not spend my time with people I do not know. Unless they are very respectful, and make me feel comfortable. But some people I have met, guys that were thuggish, and loud who cursed profusely, and wanted to know if I drank or smoke; just turned me completely off from being around them.

I like to have fun, I am not prudish, but for me I like order and organization. I think working brings conflict, and I do not know how I would handle that because of the aforementioned inclinations with anxiety and discomfort. What should I do? Why is working still important to me?

Working is important to me because I feel that I can accomplish things in my day. I think if you are disabled like I am, and have been for several years, you miss out on being able to be productive, and achieve goals because you are sick. You miss out on being around others, and you miss out on even having a conversation with other people even if it is in heated debate. Working is the American Dream, being a success is the American Dream, but what is my definition of success?

I think success is being able to feel good I can write in my planner my assignments to accomplish in that week, and get those things done--scratching through each one when I am finished. Being a disabled person, and talking to other people who are disabled like me, I have found that the biggest complaint is not having anything to do. Here in a rural area where I live in Mississippi, there is not anything to do unless you are able to go to college or learn a vocation. Many of those who have a mental illness like I do, stay home, or go to the Clubhouse where they find odd jobs, and for some of them that brings fulfillment.

I think work is finding out what I like to do, and what fits me. I realized with writing this article off the top of my head, that writing online is my ticket. Researching so many online writing sites I have found that building an online writing resume’ is what I should do after I graduate from Mississippi State in Summer 2010.

I have also thought of many ideas for my writing on Associated Content, and also joining NAMI, the National Alliance of Mental Illness. I have options, and working these days does not always mean you have to go outside, and work in a cubicle; however, for those who are able to do that I am not knocking it, I just know I am not able to do it because of my illness.

Why do I want to work? I want to work because I have always loved being productive; I thrive when I am doing something productive, and productivity online is the name for my game.